2023 will go down as one of the hardest years of my life, no question. We started the year with the knowledge that I would need open heart surgery if I wanted to live longer than 3-5 years. Surgery wasn’t what I wanted, but it was what I needed.
In January, I poured all my energy, angst, worry and fear into a project that I’m still very proud of – “The Heart Collection Prayer and Gratitude Journal”. I’ve been wanting to publish something like this for years, and the time was right. By the first of February, the copies were in my hands (and listed on amazon).
The months between February and June are a bit of a blur. Birthdays, graduation and trips. I was supposed to be slowing down to pace myself and not push too hard, and yet there was a true sense of “I don’t want to miss a thing”. To top it all off, I was dealing with a volcano of unresolved trauma from childhood surrounding my first open heart surgery. It was literally the best of times and the worst of times.
By June, I was as ready for surgery as I was going to get. And we found out later, it was definitely time. During surgery, my heart struggled and the surgery took hours longer than planned. Recovery did not go as I expected either. What I hoped would be just a few weeks away from my shop/office turned into a few months. I had to embrace the concept that the recovery process could take up to a year.
There’s no way to be prepared for the emotions, the trauma, and the difficulty you go through during a year like this. I’ve had to flex ALL my patience muscles, learn bucket loads of humility, swallow every bit of pride, and cry rivers of tears through anger AND thankfulness, sadness AND joy. Through it all, there have been some amazing experiences, joyful life-giving visits with family, and deeper connectedness with my husband and kids.
And that brings me to this last day of the year. I’m SO READY for the chapter that has been 2023 to be closed. I’m more ready than I’ve ever been to welcome a new year. I’m hoping to continue in my recovery, to regain strength and energy, to get clarity of mind back, to feel the creative juices flow.
Here’s to more growth, more love, and more peace in 2024.
